Crap! I have a blog.
I’m one of those guys now! Fortunately, nobody will ever read this thing, so I’ve got that going for me. Let’s get started!
I hate blogs. I think I’ve read all of three blogs my whole life. People are just not as interesting as they seem to think they are. But I am. So, in the neverending quest to satisfy the public’s thirst for detailed, misspelled accounts of the minutae of my life I present: The Worst… Blog… Ever!
Why read this blog, you ask? Good question.
Pictures! Because it’s got pictures! Lots of groovy pictures, and small words. Some of the words are bad, too. That’s always a plus. I’m in a strange place. Everyone’s interested in strange places. Sana’a, Yemen. When do you think you’ll get around to visiting Sana’a Yemen? When Anna Nichole Smith passes the BAR exam? Right. Well now you can cross it off your "To Do" list. I’m going to go to other strange places too, ike Djibouti, Uganda, and Rwanda. I don’t expect I’ll run into any of you there. Syria. Have you been there? Done that? OK. Some of you have. But the rest of you must have some interest in where exactly I’m killed and that’s what this blog is for! (Wagering on the internet is wrong because it takes money from Native Americans, the mafia, and hideously balding former contruction magnates with reality shows. Set up your own pools at home.)
But really, the only reason I’m creating this blog is so I don’t have to keep remailing my old emails to new friends to ignore. So I’ll probably post my email dispatches and photos, old ones and new ones, so that everyone will have two ways to ignore my life experiences. If you’re still reading this, I know you’re making the international symbol for masturbation, so I’ll cut it short. Welcome to Crap! I Have a Blog!
March 15th, 2005 at 10:43 am
I didn’t know there was a pool! If it’s not too late, my bet is that you get your head sawed off in Sudan (if you haven’t been there yet that is). I’m in for $5.
Also, would it kill you to put some fu*#ing paragraph breaks in your emails? I need to get a ruler and drag it down the page so my eyes can stay on the right line.
Finally, in one of your pictures there is one of you sitting next to some dude chewing on something. I forgot which hell-hole it was. Yemen, Jordan, something like that. I bring it up because I swore I recognized that guy from Costco, Fremont. I think I smelled him through the monitor.
Hope your having fun and you’ll have to address my burning question…which country has the best and worst shitters. Do you really wipe with your hand?
Love and kisses,
Republican Steve
March 15th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
I don’t think it would kill you to put two spaces between sentences either. Like this? See how much nicer it is on the eyes….geeeez! Give him books, teach him to read, walk him to school, what does he do? Eat the teacher!
Other than that, keep up the good work. I for one love, to read your crappy blog.
Love you,
Anita
March 17th, 2005 at 10:24 am
Glad to see that despite having AOL conversations with you continuously dropping out, that you have been able to set yourself up with a crappy blog. Mysterious technology.
Looking forward to reading more of your stories. However, forget the photos of you with green crap in your teeth. I couldn’t eat for a week after that.
I will be very jealous if you get to Syria before me.
Sue xx
March 21st, 2005 at 4:09 am
What green crap? Those were my teeth!
My Dearest Steve, come join us all in the 21st century. I’m putting line breaks in my emails but your Commodore 64 doesn’t know what a line break is. Try upgrading to a Mac Classic 286. I hear you can actually view line-art porno on it! “Mac Playmate!”
Worst shitters…
#1 Farah hotel, Amman Jordan.
#2 My current shitter when I first moved in.
Both of them filthy squat-holes that stank like… well, like a filthy sqat-hole. I managed to clean mine and another guy got rid of the crazy Brit who wouldn’t use the bucket to flush his turds.
#3 The turlit in the all-you-can-mash-down-your-gullet buffet in Sandusky, OH. The creamed chipped beef on bacon and chicken fried jello seemed to be creating a life form that just didn’t like to stay in the bowl.
I know I asked for abuse here, but I’m even taking shit from my sister??? My blog rules!
But still, I can’t do anything about the spacing in the emails or blogs. I’ve tried and the html just deletes the extra ones. So walk it off, suckas!
March 21st, 2005 at 4:11 am
Oh, by the way, did you guys have to join Friendster.com to post a message here or to view the blog in the first place?
March 26th, 2005 at 7:18 pm
Don’t have to sign in to read, do have to sign in to post a comment.
I can’t believe you have a blog. Crap.
May 13th, 2005 at 11:04 am
Holy crap man, you have a blog!